How Moses Inspires Me to Ask For Help

By Alicia Jo Rabins for Raising Kvell

This post is part of our Torah commentary series through the perspective of a new mom. This is from Parashat Yitro.

Asking for help does not come naturally to me. I’ve always been independent to the point of stubbornness. And that worked for me…until I became a mom. Now, ohmygosh, I need help constantly. And little by little, I’m learning how to ask for it.

I know you’re dying to know how this connects to this week’s Torah portion, and I promise it will, but first a personal litany of top five motherly vulnerabilities:

1. Diapering technique. It all started when a hospital nurse showed me how to diaper my brand new baby. I watched her expertly fasten the tiny disposable diaper, thinking, how the hell did I get through 35 years without learning this? It seemed like the most basic skill in the world, but also entirely mysterious. Even after my hospital lesson, it took me two weeks to remember which side went in the back.

2. Post-partum help. For two weeks after Sylvie’s birth, my mom stayed in our tiny apartment to help us out, sleeping on our couch and sharing our one bathroom. (Yes, she is amazing.) For the first week, I couldn’t bend over because of my c-section incision, so my mom had to help me put on my underwear. That was humbling enough. By the end of week two, I was slowly healing, but when it was time for my mom to leave, I surprised myself by losing it. I still needed her help. I probably hadn’t cried and begged her not to leave since I was 4 years old. This was not exactly how I’d expected to start off my new life as a mother.

3. Professional help. A month later, we moved across the country with our little baby. Despite the warm welcome of my husband’s friends, I missed my old life terribly. That, plus the financial pressure of moving and looking for work, plus whatever hormonal stuff was going on, was simply too much for me to handle without outside help. It took me six months of googling “postpartum depression” to pick up the phone and call the local hotline and find help. I wish I’d done it earlier.

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