For My Son on the Autistic Spectrum, Where Does He Fit into the Jewish Community?

I watch my 5-year-old at Jr. Congregation on Shabbat, and I am amazed. Here, in a small room with children, songs, and a teacher he knows and loves, he is comfortable and in his element. He participates, and more than that, he wants to be a leader, a teacher, and a student. He runs onto the bimah in the sanctuary for Adon Olam, and he thinks he’s leading the congregation.

Witnessing my son’s emphatic participation is huge. He was first diagnosed as being on the autistic spectrum at 2 years old. Thanks to my husband and sisters, who insisted he be evaluated on the early side, he has benefited from four years of intensive therapy with dedicated and talented therapists and teachers and has made astounding strides.

Still, what comes easy for his peers (social and play skills, trying new things, transitioning activities, appropriately expressing and tempering emotions) is difficult for my son. For example, he rarely initiates play and conversation with children his age, preferring to talk to his teachers or other adults in detail about topics other 5-year-olds generally do not find interesting, like geography and maps. He craves predictability, and is often anxious about new things, wanting to see in advance pictures or videos of places we are going to or things we are doing. He still struggles with sudden changes in his schedule.

Something that is not difficult for him? Being Jewish. Like many children on the spectrum, my son has developed strong interests in certain things–Judaism being one of them.

I did not worry about his place in the Jewish community when he was a toddler. But now, as he gets older and social demands and expectations increase alongside his interest in all things Jewish, I am anxious about what the future holds for him and what he wants to learn–where does he and other children with different learning needs fit in when it comes to our Jewish community?

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A Pirate Purim Party

Hi Everyone! I’m so excited for purim! It is my favorite holiday. I remember as a kid rushing around with my mom to get all the fun items for our family mishloach manot. My mom always came up with a poem, theme, or found a cute container. All these years later I’m still doing the same thing.

Every year I try to figure out what my kids will be interested in. Over the years we’ve done Pinkalicious, Dr. Seuss, dogs, and the list goes on and on. This year my kids decided they wanted to be Jake and the Never Land Pirates. I figured that would be easy. Get them all pirate costumes and we’ll do some sort of treasure hunt. As I started to plan I decided to take it one step further. The Usdan Family became the Shushan Pirates!

We’ve had so much planning and decorating. The kids helped me design a treasure map and goblets and find all the items for our treasure box, while I’ve been doing all the behind the scenes. Purim day we will drop off the treasure maps in their bottles to all our friends and they will use it to come to our house to pick up their treasure. I filled the treasure box with lots of gold coins and gold bars and of course triangle shaped Hamantashen.

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How Facebook Helped Me Cope with My “Mommy Fail"

“Tonight I failed my baby daughter.”

This was my status update on the night of November 7, 2012. I was sitting on my couch, feeling like the Worst Parent in the World. My 1-year-old twins were sleeping peacefully in the nursery. My husband had gone to bed, too, but I was wide awake, replaying the incident over and over in my head, trying to figure out how I had allowed myself to commit this lapse of good judgment. I normally reserved Facebook updates for cute pictures of my son and daughter, or of the Food Network recipes I was so proud of myself for successfully replicating, but tonight was different. It was a plea: Let me know I’m not the only one.

For the first year of the twins’ lives, I went everywhere and did everything that moms with just one baby did, in part to prove to myself that I wouldn't become one of those women who never showered or left the house all day. There I was, in the cute coffee shop, managing to feed the two of them at once (while feeding myself). I was there in the baby boot-camp class, ready to bench press my two oven roasters. We always arrived on time, while many mamas of one stood at the door pleading with the instructor to let them in 15 minutes late. As a family, we took field trips, flew on a plane, and dined in restaurants. There was nary a curb or narrow doorway that could hold me back, even as I pushed an increasingly heavy double-wide stroller.

People commended me for “just getting out of the house.” Sure, staying home seemed like the easier option but instinctively I knew that if I didn't get out every day I’d become a harried, sweat-pant wearing shut-in. Even though many women do what I do, I felt like a mommy badass–in other words, invincible.

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Purim 2013 Guide

Editor’s Note

Purim begins this year on Saturday evening, February 23, and continues through Sunday night, February 24. What follows is a brief step-by-step guide to Purim observance. We have also included links to additional Purim resources.

The festival of Purim is celebrated every year on the 14th of the Hebrew month of Adar (late winter/early spring). It commemorates the salvation of the Jewish people in ancient Persia from Haman’s plot “to destroy, kill and annihilate all the Jews, young and old, infants and women, in a single day.”

The story in a nutshell:

The Persian empire of the 4th century BCE extended over 127 lands, and all the Jews were its subjects. When King Ahasuerus had his wife, Queen Vashti, executed for failing to follow his orders, he orchestrated a beauty pageant to find a new queen. A Jewish girl, Esther, found favor in his eyes and became the new queen—though she refused to divulge the identity of her nationality.

Meanwhile, the anti-Semitic Haman was appointed prime minister of the empire. Mordechai, the leader of the Jews (and Esther’s cousin), defied the king’s orders and refused to bow to Haman. Haman was incensed and convinced the king to issue a decree ordering the extermination of all the Jews on the 13th of Adar—a date chosen by a lottery Haman made.

Mordechai galvanized all the Jews, convincing them to repent, fast and pray to G‑d. Meanwhile, Esther asked the king and Haman to join her for a feast. At the feast, Esther revealed to the king her Jewish identity. Haman was hanged, Mordechai was appointed prime minister in his stead, and a new decree was issued—granting the Jews the right to defend themselves against their enemies.

On the 13th of Adar the Jews mobilized and killed many of their enemies. On the 14th of Adar they rested and celebrated.

Continue reading for more of the story, traditions, recipes prayers and links.